Limitless Possibilities: A little down

Do you ever find yourself asking "Why?" or saying "It just isn't fair" ? I'm there today. It's been a while since I've felt this way and I really HATE questioning God and the plans he has for us.

After a rather long short weekend at Jeremy's parents, I was already feeling a little blue. His grandfather was diagnosed with all kinds of cancer a few months ago and things just haven't been looking up. We took this past weekend to celebrate his 79th birthday with him and the family. It is so hard to ache for a loved one, but I am finding now that it may be even harder to watch the ones you love in anguish. Not only am I sad that he is hurting and that we will eventually lose a great man, I am deeply saddened to watch Jeremy and his family go through this. Be sad. Force a smile of their faces. Push through their tears. Deal with death.

I've been there. I've watched three grandparents (one had already passed before I was born) deteriorate and die. I was young, I was a teenager, I was an adult. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. Seeing someone you love slowly dwindle away and not being able to do something to help them. It's been years and I still tend to get choked up about those last few memories I have of them.

Now, maybe I am being a bit morbid here, but I am very thankful that all of these people have lived their lives. I would struggle a lot more if it were children in these situations. I'm sure I would certainly lose control if that were the case. However, as I'm sure most of us know, it is still hard to deal with death and saying goodbye.

After all of that, my mom calls after another doctor appointment of her own. She's still being tossed around from doctor to doctor trying to find out what is going on with her and the migranes and dizzy spells she's been having. She's been out of work for three months now, she's constantly "sick" or worrying if she's going to get "sick", she has no answers, and she's worried about how they're going to be able to get through all of this financially. Let me promise you this: there is NOTHING worse than your own parent crying for whatever reason. In our minds, our parents are rocks. They're the ones who hold US together.

AND, to top it all off.....we just can't catch a break with our darn house in SC....

So, after all of this, I find myself asking those questions again. I'm just kinda blah ya know? I want to be positive and strong. If not for myself, for those around me. I want to believe that God knows what He's doing (of course He does) but I'm struggling a bit right now. This is a test and one that I'm uncertain I'll pass. How is it that one can remain faithful through despair?

On a completely different note:

I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND. HE IS LOVELY AND CHARMING AND ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. HE IS THE MOST HANDSOME MAN I KNOW AND I'M SO PROUD THAT HE'S THE ONE FOR ME!

( Jeremy is working from home today and came in as I was typing. He said I should write about him and the above was what he suggested. He said he was going to check to see if I followed through on his suggestion. So, I haven't lost my mind, just seeing if he follows through on his word!)

Lastly, since this is such a depressing and crummy post, I feel the need to post some of the fun pics from this weekend. Enjoy and thanks for bearing with me again!